Godzilla V. King Kong
March 27, 2021
The smoldering wreckage of Tokyo in his wake, Godzilla took to the ocean to retreat home. Home…to Monster Island…
As the sun sank low on a cul-de-sac, Godzilla pulled into the driveway of a modest three bedroom home. As he got out of the car, he brushed bits of wreckage and elevated trains off him and made a beeline for the door before he was stopped by a shout.
Godzilla’s massive shoulders slumped. He gritted his teeth and turned to his neighbor’s yard.
In the driveway, King Kong wiped the grease from his hands as he crawled out from under a 1972 Firebird. Eighties rock blared from a tape deck on the driveway. Kong deftly balanced on one foot as he wiped his hands and used his articulated foot to grab a beer from a nearby cooler.
“Hi Kong,” says Godzilla.
Kong laughed as he cracks a beer. “What’s up, Gojira” he says, putting emphasis on the Japanese pronunciation. “Nah, I’m just messing around. Long day?”
“Yes, Kong, it’s been a long day. I just want to get inside and put my feet in to soak. Those high-tension wires really hurt after a while.”
Kong laughs and takes a big swig of beer. “Just jump over ‘em, man! That’s what I do.”
You never seem to DO anything, thought Godzilla, but kept it to himself. “Yeah, I should try that next time.”
Kong smiled and scratched his massive belly. “Sure is a nice out. Good day to be outside with the kid. He and I were throwing the ball around out here earlier. Quite an arm on him!”
Godzilla wrinkled his brow and his scales glowed every so slightly. “You were outside with Minilla?”
“Yeah man, the kid was out here looking all dejected. He’d been home from school for a while so we threw a few. No big deal.”
Godzilla’s scales glowed brighter and Kong instinctively puffed out his chest. Tension ran through the air between them. Godzilla remembered his therapist’s advice and silently counted to five before responding. “Thanks, but he’s my kid, and I’ll parent him how I see fit.”
Kong snorted defensively. He finished his beer and crushed it in his hand. “Listen I was just keeping the kid company. Maybe if you were home from destroying Tokyo earlier, he wouldn't be outside moping around.”
Godzilla counted again and opened his eyes. “Look, Kong. Is there something you wanted?”
Kong shrugged and laughed. “I thought so. Look man, I wanted to let you know that I’m going to be building a fence out back. My Tyrannosaurus keeps getting off leash, so I figured it would be easier to just pop something up out there.”
Godzilla smiled. “Good, now I won’t have to keep bringing it back when it comes into our yard.”
“Look pal, I’m trying to help both of us here. I don’t see why—“
Their posturing was interrupted by Godzilla’s son Minilla bursting from the house and running to embrace his father. The two monsters eyed each other warily, but parted. Godzilla went inside with his son while Kong cranked up the REO Speedwagon and went back to his car.
Another day, another round of destroying cities. The King of the Monsters was exhausted. Those small fighter jets can really take their toll.
As he pulled into the driveway, he was pleased that, for once, Kong wasn’t out front. Godzilla strolled inside and put down his briefcase, then went to look for his son.
“I’m out here Dad,” rang Minilla’s voice from the backyard.
Godzilla slid open the screen door, and his jaw dropped. The scales on his back glowed bright blue.
Kong had indeed built a fence; a monstrous, thousand foot edifice that towered over the yard and clearly cut into the Godzilla property line.
“I don’t like it Dad, “ said Minilla. “You can’t see the trees or the view of the mountains anymore!”
Godzilla set his jaw. “We’ll see about this,” he said and stormed next door.
After several minutes of pounding on the front door, Kong finally answered. “Hey buddy, what’s going on,” he said in a sly manner.
“Don’t take that tone with me,” fired back Godzilla. “I’m here about that monstrosity. It practically blocks out the sun in our backyard and it definitely crosses over into my property.”
“Not according to my deed,” said Kong, and produced an old estate file. “When this section of Monster Island was built, lot 121 clearly ends at the Castanopsis tree by the driveway.”
Godzilla’s scales ripped with rage. “But I got an easement to move that tree when we built the driveway and added the cutout. This house’s previous owner and I agreed on it.”
Kong shrugged. “Look, that was between Rodan and you. I bought this house five years ago and the appraisal I have uses the original estate file. If there’s no record, then the property line stands, man.”
Godzilla cursed Rodan under his breath. He knew that lazy bird hadn’t bothered to file the paperwork with the county registrar even though he’d reminded him over and over.
Kong stood in the doorway with a smug look on his face. Godzilla reared back and drew himself up to his full height. He had to do something he’d swore he would never do.
“Kong, you’ve gone too far. You’ll be hearing from my lawyer!”
The ensuing months had been tense. Godzilla had first contacted the HOA, who told him that they were about to disband anyway since no one used the pool or decorated for Halloween anymore, and that they didn’t want to get involved.
Jet Jaguar, Godzilla’s lawyer, tried to get him to use mediation, but Kong had ripped the arms off the mediator. The two monsters simply stopped talking, communicating only through their lawyers. Finally a trial date was set.
Minilla had been miserable. The backyard was smaller and his father stormed around the house muttering to himself. To make matters worse, he’d been working longer hours to take his mind off the situation. Minilla had tried to visit Kong, but got no response whenever he knocked on the door. One time he thought he saw someone behind the curtains, but the figure quickly disappeared.
On the day of the trial, Godzilla and Minilla drove to the courthouse in silence. Godzilla was mouthing his testimony to himself, when Minilla interrupted.
“Dad, why do we have to do all this? Can’t you just talk to Kong?”
Godzilla sighed. He knew this had been hard on his son. “I know that sounds easy, but it’s not that simple, son. We’re monsters, and we have a long and proud history. I’ve fought for and destroyed this earth more times than even I can remember. And sometimes there’s another monster who just pushes you too far.”
“Yes, like Kong,” continued Godzilla. “We can’t let ourselves be pushed around. We have to make a stand for what is right.”
There was silence in the car as they pulled into the parking lot. As Godzilla took a ticket from the attendant, Minilla spoke up again. “But Kong is my friend.”
A faraway look came over Godzilla as he parked his sedan. “It’s just not that simple.”
The courtroom was hot and the suit & tie Minilla had to wear was tugging at his neck. He sat behind his father and Jet Jaguar while Kong defended himself. The droning sound of Judge Mothra made Minilla sleepy, and he teetered on his seat until a sudden outburst from Godzilla brought him fully awake.
“That’s a lie!”
Godzilla pounded the table, which broke in half, while Jet Jaguar tried to calm him down. But Godzilla was insistent. “The records of that easement were filed with the county! I can’t help it if the files in the old building were destroyed by Ghidorah. I have photocopies!”
“Which the court says aren’t admissible, bro” taunted Kong.
Their voices grew louder and louder. Jet Jaguar grew larger as he sipped between them but was swatted away. Mothra flapped her wings but her calming presence did nothing to dissipate the anger. Kong pounded his chest and Godzilla’s tail whipped back and forth. The court reporter backed slowly out of the room. The fight was coming as the energy in the room crackled until…
Minilla burst into tears.
Godzilla’s fiery blue scales powered down. Kong dropped down to all fours, and both approached Minilla tentatively.
“Son, are you okay?”
“Hey, what’s wrong, buddy?”
The two titans crouched over Minilla, who suddenly exploded with tears of helpless anger.
“You two! You two are the problem! I hate this, I hate having my dad and my friend fighting like this.”
Godzilla and Kong traded an uncomfortable look.
“Dad, I was only spending so much time with Kong because you were never home. He was funny, he taught me how to throw a fast ball, and gave me tips on climbing tall buildings.”
Godzilla turned to Kong. “You did all that?”
Kong shrugged and turned red. “It was nothing.”
Minilla turned to Kong. “And Kong, I know my dad works long hours, but it’s just because he has so many cities to destroy. He works hard to take care of me, as a single parent. After I go to bed I know he stays up late worrying, trying to figure out how to pay for Monster Island College. He just wants our house to be a quiet place to relax when he gets home.”
Kong put his gigantic hand on Godzilla’s shoulder. “Hey man, I didn’t know it was like that. You always look so successful, and important. I figured you were the hot stuff on the block.”
“Destroying shipping fleets doesn’t pay like it used to,” said Godzilla wearily. “These days I don’t even get reimbursed for travel expenses when I have to fly back from Planet X.”
Godzilla and Kong both stood up amidst the wreckage of the courtroom table. Minilla and Mothra watched hesitantly. Godzilla made the first move and extended his hand.
“Kong, I want to apologize. I appreciate you keeping an eye on Minilla when I’m working late, and I should have talked to you about the fence. I’m sure we can work something out.”
Kong shook his hand and pulled Godzilla into am embrace. “Naw man, I’m the one who should apologize. We need a set a good example for your son, and I knew it was shady to build the fence where I did. I’ll take it down.”
Kong looked at Minilla and winked. “Maybe the little dude here can help me out by taking my Tyrannosaurus on walks around the neighborhood to get it some exercise. If his dad says it’s okay.”
Minilla’s face beamed. “Can I dad, can I?”
Godzilla smiled. “Of course son. But don’t count on it every day. From now on I plan to be home earlier so we can spend more time together.”
Kong laughed and the three turned to leave, when they were suddenly knocked over by a powerful gust of wind from Mothra’s wings.
“I’m glad to see you two have made up,” said Mothra, hovering about the wreckage of the courtroom, “but someone has to pay for this table!”
Kong looked at Godzilla and the two broke into laughter.
“Okay, let ‘er rip” shouted Kong.
Godzilla drew back and fired his atomic breath, which disintegrated the fence between their homes. Minilla clapped.
Kong took a beer out of a cooler and tossed it to Godzilla. “Dang, next time I need to light the barbecue, I know who to call.”
Godzilla laughed as Minilla ran up to him. “Dad, can I play with Kong’s T-Rex?”
“It’s fine with me son, but be sure to ask Kong too.”
Minilla glanced at Kong who smiled and winked. The child scampered off while the two titans sat down in lawn chairs, watching over the smoldering remains of the fence.
“Tell you what,” said Kong. “That’s a hell of a good boy you’re raising.”
Godzilla smiled. “It’s hard. You have to struggle against your instincts some times. The best you can hope for is that your child is kinder, more tolerant, and a better person than you are. Some days I think I’m succeeding. Other days I’m not so sure.”
Godzilla sipped his beer as Kong shifted in his chair.
“From where I’m sitting man, you’re doing a-ok.” Kong leaned in to Godzilla. “Now listen, I want to talk to you about this back deck I want to build.”
“Oh no, count me out!”
The two laughed as Kong pressed play on the boombox. Poison’s “Nothin’ But a Good Time” started playing as the sun sank behind the clouds.